She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize