I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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