It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
