I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
