Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
