You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
