just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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