Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
