I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
