this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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