Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
