You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
