And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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