So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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