Old men and throwing up are my life now.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
