Your mouth is God's brothel.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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