After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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