she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
