I bet he comes in French.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
