im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just gift wrapped bread.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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