you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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