I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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