How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
