some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
