everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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