Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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