I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
