i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need a beard to bite.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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