pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
FUCK WHALES
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