Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
