were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
