It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Randomize
