i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
