i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
