so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
