At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
