Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
