you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
