My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
