i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
