you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
