Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
