He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
