I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
