Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
