zippers are such a cool invention
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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