We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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