i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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