Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All I want is dick and wine.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
