i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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