My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
