You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You made out with two different species that night
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
