I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
