There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
