all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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