i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
