Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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