We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm passing your future prison.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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