there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
