Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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