I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So here I am, sexting at work.
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