i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
