Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't tell me you're on acid again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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