I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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