She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
