a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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