i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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