what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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