I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
