Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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