dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
