I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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