Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
