ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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