70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
