My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
