cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
