sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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