This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
