What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
