I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
