Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
