Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
