I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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