I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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