Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
