you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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