Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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