does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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