He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
