omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
we should paint friendship bongs
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize