just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my sisters under your porch take her home
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize