shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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