I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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