Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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