I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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