I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
