Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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