I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
