ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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