i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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