I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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