soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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