This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
