Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
