Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
