just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What did we do last night that was yellow?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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