you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize