It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
