Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Your dad touched me again.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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