His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
being pregnant is like rehab
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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