I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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