I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
